Mens O45 vs Saffron Walden O45

The day was picturesque, sun beaming down from above - Everywhere except Stevenage it appeared 🙄. So with nothing else to do, the mixed team decided to get themselves down to Woollams to watch the more experienced players in the O45s take on Saffron Walden.

Before I begin depicting the thrilling game, I’d like to apologise for any inaccuracies in this match report. These will be as a result of an unquestionably drunk Coley yammering on behind me, and a yapping to my right, hammering both ears and causing me to lose focus. Clearly, this also had an effect on the mighty Harpenden as early on the oppo went ahead, a fine effort from the towering Bob in goal not quite do enough to stop an powerful hit bruising the backboard. Harpenden responded strongly, driven by Charlie K’s incredible chants to push the team forwards, along with captain FT’s inspiring words of motivation. Harpenden were knocking at the door, and it seemed only a matter of time before they equalised. And indeed, they would have done, had not Rusty decided just before a short corner that the goal was misaligned by 2cm. He promptly moved the goalposts, literally, after which Mark smashed the short corner squarely onto the newly positioned post, rather than in the bottom corner as would have been the case had Rusty not meddled.

Still, it seemed like the whites would soon grab a deserved leveller, and that they did. QC brought the ball into the D and as one of the clubs most prolific goal scorers, you would bet your house on the Veteran Irish Poach taking the goal for himself. Instead he spotted Marky Mark in an even better position, so squared the ball for Mark to bring the side level. Or at least that’s what QC thought; clearly the nature of the over 45 fixture showing here, as he had mistaken the England O40s starboy Mark for 3^rd team skipper Hugh, confessing that had he known, he’d not have been so selfless.

So, half timed rolled over, the game level at 1-1. The home support becoming increasingly vocal with the box of beer they had brought to satiate the thirst worked up at the Waffle House. Over by the dugouts, we can only imagine what was going through the captain’s mind… probably something to do with Tottenham Hotspur finally winning a game. And I suppose the hockey match they still had to win. FT decided on a bold tactical change; ‘Legsa’ Kimbo (that’s my dad’s joke, don’t boo me) was to slip back to defence, allowing for a midfield three of ‘Silky Skills’, ‘Roll-Royce Rusty’ and F to the bloody T. This was an enormous change to the game, with Harpenden looking the much more likely team to score next. When challenged by Saffron Walden’s route-one counter attacks, the relentless pressing from Kimbers, Wrighty, Jack Russell, Nashy and Ali kept the visitors at bay.

Back at the visitor’s end, a short corner was won, and in the huddle a decision was made to pull it back to the injecting skipper. This has paid dividends before, so the support watched in anticipation, as he steps up to the ball, readying himself with all the poise of a flamingo. This particular flamingo had clearly been involved in some kind of accident, as not only did he mess the injection up by hitting his stick into his own knee, but once the ball had been returned to him, he missed it completely, despite being under no immediate pressure. A certain member of the support muttered her disappointment, still on a high from scoring a similar goal the day before.

To add insult to injury the visitors regained the lead. Despite the stellar performances from the entire defence, a shot was deflected off Nick’s stick, and then off a unknowing Walden player’s stick, leaving Bob wrongfooted. This is what I’m told, as at this point the support was busy deciding what connected ‘a swallow, a hawk and a duck’. (It was a grouse for anyway wondering.)

Once again, Harpenden needed to find a way back into this game, and once again they delivered. A flowing manoeuvre from the whole team was the cause, ending in Nicky Mack (or N33 CK0 as the plate on his plasterer’s car suggests) beating his man, squaring it into Rusty who did what FT couldn’t and slapped it into a more or less empty net. 2-2, ten to go.

Time was now against Harpenden to find their winner, however one thing was certain, Walden were not scoring another, due to Ali Holland’s omnipresence in defence combined with Bob’s incredible efforts in goal. The midfield and forwards continued to put more pressure on the opposition defence, Eddie Jump putting in a real shift and covering every blade of (fake) grass, Mark, Hugh and Nicky Mac constantly keeping the visitor’s defence on their toes. On the sidelines everyone was getting nervous. At one point I asked Coley how long left, to which he took a look at his beer and proclaimed 5 minutes. How did he know? Well he said he was carefully timing his beers to ensure that he would be safe to drive. What a responsible adult he would be if it wasn’t half 3 on a Sunday afternoon. One things for sure is that he’ll he walking back from the Plough tonight.

Back to the game, flicks now on the cards again, much to the dismay of the players, having lost in the previous round in this cruellest of fashions. Harps didn’t want to leave it to chance, forcing a series of short corners, but the visitors held out. Another moment of magic from Nicky Mac,  with a roll-out reminiscent of the great Moussa Dembele, skinning his man and entering the D. A foot blocked the ball, and once more Harpenden found themselves with a short corner. The routine was decided, FT quickly dismissing of any nonsense about ‘bringing it back home’. But to add to the pressure, a shrieking whistle was blown to signify the last play of the game. It was now or never. The injection was incisive, straight to the stopping stick of Skills. He precisely rolled it forwards, into the destructive path of the VIP. His stick went up, and down it came, unleashing a force of immense power into the ball, drilling it into the back of the net (backboard technically). Out came a thunderous roar from all watching, both Charlies in utter disbelief at the masterclass we had just seen. And it was all justified as the Harpenden over 45s were through to the next round. But let it not be forgot that everyone played their part today. Many men who came to praise the crowd were observed with grazes on their knees, enough to surely get a day off work on Monday, indicative of the blood, sweat and tears that Harpenden put in to every game. Mark, Nicky Mack, Nick Kimberly, Skills, Eddie, Ali, Ft, Nashy, Hugh, Rusty, Jack, Bob, Dave and QC the stars of the show, with the incredible Kevin running the bench despite his lack of a working shoulder, the eager fans of Charlie K, Charlie M, Yas, VJ, Coley, JT, Evie, Amelie, Lilly and of course OT cheering with joy and 19 eyes and one black one watching with loving gaze over the performance the lads displayed. The final piece of gratitude I have to offer is to the players of Stevenage mixed team, who cancelled our game, allowing for a lovely trip to the Waffle House but most importantly gifting us all with the opportunity to see some of the clubs longest standing members continue to fight for glory! Onto the next round…

Addendum: Message from FT “Thanks for all your support today, team. In a nutshell, it’s what’s great about this little old club of ours. A load of teenagers, welcomed into a mixed team by a load of folk in their 20s (and Coley), coming to support a load of old geezers in their 40s and 50s. Brings a tear to my eye! 💙 “