Dearest CUHC,
I can’t believe how quickly another month has come around & we’re nearly half way through term already marking the start of Movember and with it some questionable attempts to grow facial hair. Winning Wednesdays are so back - 3 BUCS wins from 3, finished off by mass group costumes taking over Spoons & Revs. I’m a big fan of photo evidence being dropped on the full club groupchat. Waking up still dressed and painted as a dalmatian was made better by the photos and videos of bowling pins, knights jousting on Parker’s piece & where’s Wally in flippers (??).
This weekend preview brings levels of procrastination I didn’t know were possible. In my daze yesterday I decided a Movember themed email was the perfect fit, and after claiming I’m going to ‘lock-in’ I am sat in the library thinking up which moustache style each CUHC team would be & photoshopping tashes onto captains. I hope no one can see my screen.
Last year the club raised a huge £1,586 which I believe was the most of any sports clubs in Cambridge! Challenges for each milestone raised make it really fun & a great way to get involved. Here are some of last year’s for some inspo:
Reflecting on these I’m unsure how many were actually done…
The Blundies also narrowly missed out on permanently dyeing their hair blue & the Squandies all getting an IFLTS tattoo. Plenty of opportunity to reach these levels this year.
Get thinking of challenges you or your team could do & send them to Slevy or Dyson! A perfect opportunity to get creative - and more opportunities for fresh to go bald, even if you think you’ve gotten away with it. I’ve already heard rumours of something involving Laird & wax strips…
Types of Tash
& which team I would associate them with based on vibes.
MBlues - Mario
I can’t really explain many reasons why for this one, it just works. They’re currently lacking Stubb(s)le, so no chance they’d get the beardstache.
WBlues - Professor
GBoz is old & is probably closest to becoming a professor hence this association. They also clearly know a thing or two about how to play good hockey with plenty of knowledge from a double promotion. The Wblues are also fighting to try and squash any claims they are the Wborings still, will-they-be boring professors or mad professors???
Wandies - Beardstache
Really clutching at straws for these answers but this one is based on the environmentally friendly Geographer captain. Makes me think the Wandies would be most inclined to go a bit more naturale.
Nomads - Handlebar
Nomads seem to have a habit of falling over, off or down things, including falling off bikes. As stated in ‘The definitive guide to moustache styles’: “there are few things as impressive as a handlebar moustache”. There are few things as impressive as the Nomads short corner routines; 3 of our 4 goals on Wednesday were from shorts 😎
Squandies - el Bandito
The relocation of Battered’s bed after Halloween swap was an act of Banditry. I also think Knights and Squires gave kind of mediaeval bandit vibes. When scrolling through instagrams for the weekend preview a few weeks ago I was reminded of the Squandies stealing all the Beds balls with anon club captain even going to the lengths of giving the balls a bath to re-brand them. Bandits.
Beds - Painter’s brush
The Saltbeds video was a work of art. As was the creative genius of the full team of Dobbies searching for their socks on Wednesday night. Long may the Beds creativity continue.
Blundies - Chevron
Similarly to the Rovers the Blundies are often quite a young team and apparently the chevron is a good place to start if you’ve never worn a moustache (Beardbrand, 2024). Chevron has 7 letters, the same number of Blundies in attendance at the Halloween swap on Wednesday.
Rovers - no stache
The Rovers are famously a heavily fresher dominated team, as such I think they would lack the ability to grow facial hair. The most aerodynamic of any style and the Rover-lution would suggest a revolution of tactics to score as many goals as last year.
Games tomorrow:
Home
10:30 Squandies v CoP 4s (pitch 1)
10:30 Beds v Cambridge Nomads 1s (pitch 2)
12:30 WBlues v Oxf*rd Hawks (pitch 1)
14:00 Rovers v Pelicans 2s (pitch 1)
15:30 Nomads v Cam City 4s (pitch 2)
Away
10:15 Blundies v Wisbech 3s
12:30 MBlues v Harleston Magpies 2s
13:00 Wandies v UEA 1s
As promised here is the sum of the work I’ve done today:
CUHC love & good luck tomorrow!
Blewis & Amy
SMGIAT, SFWOFTS, GDBO etc etc
We will do our best to get back to you as soon as possible.
